The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
