What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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