this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We were destined to go to rehab together
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
