I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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