So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
