True but thats because hes a fetus.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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