He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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