he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
