how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
