Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
