Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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