I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
