i just google imaged poop.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Vodka?
Forever.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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