K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
