I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
