There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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