Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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