I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
