Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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