Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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