my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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