First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have fence marks all over my body
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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