you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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