his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
