Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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