the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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