I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
