my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
