Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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