life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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