Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
