just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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