what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
