running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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