absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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