So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
