I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
