She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There r osticjed everywhere
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
