shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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