There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
