I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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