We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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