He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
As shirtless as possible
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
