I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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