i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
