i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Who died my cat blue again?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
