I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
