omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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