shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
