you didnt know i had herpes?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
