I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
