Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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