Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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