I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
