She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
