Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
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Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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