Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
of course. lets lasso hookers.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
