Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
