I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize