YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
