turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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