I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize