Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize