Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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