So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
